I can come up with tons of reasons I want to be high and numb out right now. So the goal now is to find a good reason not to or at least a few good questions to think about.
1. My best friend’s birthday is this weekend and I don’t want to ruin it for her.
2. Drugs are expensive and I am poor
3. The chances that I will hopefully be pregnant in the very near future.
4. I have worked so hard to come away from that lifestyle do I really want to go back now?
5. What will the people who care about me think when they find out?
6. Do I really want to start lying about everything again?
7. If I start using again now, in this place emotionally, will I be able to control it and stop?
8. Am I willing to be like my mother? Run away from everything when I get scared.
9. Is it worth it, are the few moments of bliss and emotionlessness worth the pain it will cause others?
10. Do I care about others enough right now to not hurt them as well?
11. Even though I don’t have the kids with me, I am still their influence, is this the influence I want to be setting?
12. Is this a wise decision or an impulsive decision?
13. Is there something else, less life destroying that you can use to get the same type of effect?
14. Am I willing to lose my chances for my degree and license?
15. Will anything be accomplished by this decision?
So I guess this is the start of my list, now the problem is to actually care enough about these points to not do it anyways because I can come up with a counter for almost every one of these…. Strength is an amazing thing that I could really use some more of these days!